I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Less talking, more tequila
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
