Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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