think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
