That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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