hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
MIDGETS
????
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize