Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
