dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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