then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
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Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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