She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
