I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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