apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So vagazzling was a success
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
