So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
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Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
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I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize