U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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