there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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