I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize