So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
