If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
