She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
