dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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