mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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