Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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