Whoa Z and x make the same sound
barbara walters just said penis...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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