haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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