Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
