Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
