we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
