OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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