he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
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while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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