Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
