the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
