I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
