I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
