From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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