So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
