Are we in a gay sports bar?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
