Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
