What did we do last night that was yellow?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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