I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
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The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
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Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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