That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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