I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
well you can't waste a boner
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
