He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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