the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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