i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
