You're my little dorito
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
