just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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