nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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