I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
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That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I currently don't understand fingers.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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