i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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