tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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