the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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