Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
