my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
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Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
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You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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