Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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