shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
