Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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