could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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