booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Found the puke drawer
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
