So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
