Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize