My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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