i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
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