conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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