I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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