I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
