I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
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