I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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