I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
