i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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