I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
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