Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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