he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
