I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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