The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
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you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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