She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
