he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
