I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
