Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I would ride that face into the sunset
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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